Playing with Temptation Page 9

  Kendra understood the sense of indebtedness Maya felt toward Nate. She and Dash had wanted nothing to do with their father or their half siblings. Still, Maya had been persistent, following Kendra to college. Nate and his parents encouraged her to get to know Maya.

  “She’s family,” Nate’s mom, Ms. Naomi, had said. “Doesn’t matter how she became family. She just is. And you don’t turn your back on family.”

  Kendra had resented Nate’s interference at first, but she and Dash had grown apart as they’d gotten older and she yearned for the deep connection Nate had with his siblings.

  Getting to know and accept her younger sister was one of the best decisions she’d ever made. She and Maya owed a huge debt of gratitude to the Johnstons. But she wouldn’t be with Nate out of a sense of obligation.

  “We’re not the same people we were seven years ago.” Kendra stood by the fireplace, allowing its warmth to soothe the chill creeping down her spine.

  “So get to know each other again. Most important, tell him how you feel,” Maya urged.

  Kendra’s temples throbbed. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’ll say it just because I need to hear it.” Kendra paced in front of the fireplace. Her slippers scuffed against the carpet.

  “Nate always says what he feels. That’s why he’s in the spot he’s in now.” Maya sighed in response to the cluck of Kendra’s tongue. “If he says it, it’s because he means it.”

  “Then why didn’t he say it the other night? Why didn’t he say he misses me? That he wants to be with me? That he can’t stop thinking of me the way I can’t stop thinking of him?” Kendra hadn’t meant to say the last part, but her mouth was moving faster than her brain.

  Maya hesitated before she responded. “The last time Nate confessed his feelings for you, you rejected him and walked away. Can you blame him for being gun-shy?”

  Kendra’s stomach twisted in knots as the truth of Maya’s words hit her squarely in the chest. She didn’t respond.

  “Maybe Nate’s reluctant to share his feelings because he isn’t sure he can trust you with them.” An apologetic tone filtered her sister’s brutally honest words.

  “Maybe. Still, I won’t get back with Nate for the wrong reasons. As much as I know Kai wants his dad and me to be together, it would be worse if things blew up a few years down the road. I won’t set him up for the disappointment and resentment I experienced at his age.”

  “You mean, the resentment you feel now.” Maya’s voice wavered.

  “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. That’s why I try not to talk about Dad. It’s never a conversation that will go well between us.”

  “Even when we don’t discuss him, that ugly little truth is hidden in the words we don’t say.” Maya cleared her throat. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that deep down my sister wishes I were never born?”

  “That isn’t true.”

  “I wish it were as easy for me to believe that as it is for you.” Maya sighed. “If it were the other way around, maybe I’d feel the same.”

  “No, you wouldn’t. You’re the sweetest, most loving person I know. I know it doesn’t always seem like it, but I’m grateful to have you in my life. I’m thrilled you found someone who loves you as much as I do. You deserve a great guy like Liam. He’s about as close as a guy can get to being worthy of you.”

  “Thanks, sis.” The smile returned to Maya’s voice.

  “Speaking of that handsome man of yours, when are you two going to finally set a date?” Kendra settled onto the couch.

  “I was thinking we’d wait until next summer to get married.”

  “Why so long? Is it a family thing for him?” The Westbrooks owned a huge international resort firm based in London, and they were well connected back in the UK.

  “It’s nothing like that, it’s just... I keep hoping that if I wait long enough, you and Dad will work things out.”

  “I promised I’d be on my best behavior on your wedding day,” Kendra reminded her sister.

  “I appreciate the sentiment, but the reality is that the tension between you two makes everyone uncomfortable.”

  “I won’t let that happen on your wedding day, Maya. I promise.”

  “The minute you see him, you’ll pick a fight. Happens every time.” Maya’s voice rose to a crescendo. Suddenly it became sad. “You’re not just punishing Dad. It hurts that I can’t sit down with two of my favorite people on my wedding day.”

  Kendra’s heart ached. Whatever her issues were with their father, Maya wasn’t to blame. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

  “I know, but we can talk about that another day. Right now, let’s talk about the real reason you called. You’re still in love with Nate, and it terrifies you.”

  Kendra didn’t deny the accusation. “I won’t break his heart again. He couldn’t take that. Neither could I. Besides, his evil twin would probably strangle me with her bare hands.”

  “Or at least hire someone to off you.” Maya laughed, the tension between them easing.

  “No, she’d definitely do it herself.” Kendra was only half kidding. Vi would probably relish the feel of her warm blood on her hands. Nate’s twin could be your best friend or your worst enemy. Once the former, Kendra was now the latter.

  “The solution is simple,” Maya said. “Don’t break his heart this time.”

  That was Maya. Making a complicated relationship like the one she and Nate shared seem so simple. Apparently, she’d forgotten what a convoluted relationship she and Liam had just a few months prior. When she was still terrified of bringing someone new into her daughters’ lives, afraid Liam would disappoint them.

  Thankfully, she’d been wrong. Liam was an amazing man who’d left behind his playboy ways once he found the woman of his dreams—her little sister.

  “I didn’t set out to break his heart before. I panicked. How can I be sure it won’t happen again?”

  “You can’t, but you can be honest with Nate and yourself about what freaked you out then.” Maya’s voice was soothing. “And any lingering fears holding you back now.”

  “I won’t put my career aside for Nate again,” Kendra suddenly interjected. The declaration took her by surprise.

  “Then talk to him,” Maya said simply. “No more excuses.”

  She was gone before Kendra could object.

  “They’re not excuses,” she said to the empty room as she tossed her phone on the sofa. “It’s the truth.”

  “What’s the truth?”

  Kendra startled, nearly jumping out of her skin. “Nate, I didn’t hear you come in.”

  He grinned. “Obviously. You hungry?”

  Kendra nodded. Until he’d mentioned it, she hadn’t realized how hungry she was. She’d checked the fridge earlier, but there was very little edible food left. “I could eat.”

  A slow grin stretched his mouth. “Good, because I thought we could cook together like the old days.”

  Damn. Now she couldn’t look at the kitchen counter without reminiscing about exactly how those times nearly always ended.

  Who knew kitchen sex could be so good?

  Kendra shrugged. “Okay.”

  She would help Nate cook because she was hungry. Starving, in fact. But no matter what, they most definitely would not go there. No matter how good he looked in that slim gray suit.

  Chapter 12

  One of the many things Nate missed about Kendra was their shared love of food. She’d never subsisted on lettuce or gone from one crazy fad diet to the next.

  Kendra appreciated a gourmet meal. Savored every bite. Watching her enjoy a perfectly cooked steak or authentic pasta dish was practically foreplay.

  Tonight, he would begin his slow seduction by making her favorite
meal. He’d nixed his plans to purchase a premade lasagna prepared by a local gourmet chef. Kendra’s crack about his not being able to cook forced him to step up his game.

  He purchased the meal plan that came with the ingredients and the recipe so they could prepare the meal together, like they did when they first started out.

  Nate’s pulse quickened as he reminisced over those steamy nights together. There was something almost erotic about the act of cooking together. Filling one basic need led to satisfying another.

  He set the bags on the counter and took off his jacket, folding it across the chair. “Can I get you a drink?”

  Her hesitant nod, a brief glimpse at the vulnerability she loathed revealing, somehow made her even sexier. “Half a glass of wine would be great.”

  Nate dragged his gaze up her body, admiring her toned curves. She wore an oversize white T-shirt with a deep vee over a pair of black leggings that hugged her ample hips and thighs. He cleared his throat, raising his eyes to hers again as he pulled a chilled bottle of her favorite rosé from the bag. He poured her a half glass and watched her sensual mouth as she took a generous sip, her hand unsteady.

  “Everything okay?” Nate removed one cuff link, then the other.

  “Fine.” Her voice vibrated with false bravado.

  He excused himself to change. When he returned in jeans and a T-shirt, Kendra had removed the lasagna ingredients from the bag and lined them up on the counter. A pot of water was boiling on the stove.

  “I think you’ve forgotten how this whole ‘cooking together’ thing works.”

  Kendra snorted. “All I did was unpack the bag. There’s plenty left to do.”

  He washed and dried his hands, then opened the package of pasta noodles, adding them to the salted water. He set the timer, then took out a large skillet and placed it on the burner.

  Kendra peeled and sliced an onion while Nate added Italian sausage and ground beef to the pan.

  They worked together in comfortable silence. Nate had missed this. He hadn’t realized what a luxury it was to be with someone he was so in tune with that he felt the comfort of her presence without either of them uttering a single word.

  Kendra was the only woman with whom he’d felt that kind of warmth and security.

  “There.” Kendra added the onions and garlic to the skillet as he browned its contents.

  “Thank you.” He forced the words past the thickness in his throat. It was something he wanted to say since that moment at Wade’s when she’d placed her hand on his, calming him when it felt like his world was spinning out of control.

  “For helping to make my dinner?” Kendra rummaged through the drawers and retrieved the can opener. He’d upgraded the utensil, but kept it in the same place she’d designated for it when they were together. In fact, the entire kitchen was essentially just as she’d arranged it. Like it was stuck in time. “It’s the least I can do.”

  Nate reduced the flame, then turned to face her, taking her soft, warm hand in his. He pulled her closer and she leaned in to him, her eyes meeting his.

  “For taking me on as a client, even though I didn’t want to work with you initially. For coming with me on this trip. For being the voice of reason when I needed it most.”

  She didn’t speak. Instead she leaned in closer, meeting him halfway as he captured her warm mouth in a kiss. He slipped his fingers in her hair, his tongue tangling with hers.

  Kendra wrapped her arms around him and lifted onto her toes, as if trying to capture more of his mouth. One hand trailed down her back and over her backside.

  He missed the feel of her body, pressed against his, and the taste of her sweet mouth. The way her body fit perfectly against his. The elevation of his temperature and the rapid beat of his heart whenever she was in his arms.

  How could she not miss this?

  Nate gripped her bottom, pulling her tightly against him, enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed together.

  He swallowed the soft gasp that escaped her throat in response. She dropped the can opener. The sound of it crashing against the hard tile floor startled them both.

  Kendra pulled away. She retrieved the utensil and returned to the work of opening the cans, her eyes focused on her task. “Thank you for saying that, but hold your gratitude until I get the results you’re looking for. Because I will.”

  “I don’t doubt that.” Nate sighed and went back to stirring the contents of the skillet. Bits of garlic and onion had burned. “But regardless of what happens, I want you to know I’m grateful for what you’ve done. I appreciate you. I didn’t say that enough when we were together. It’s a mistake I won’t repeat.”

  “Thank you for giving me this shot.” Kendra’s eyes met his. “Most exes wouldn’t be so gracious.”

  Nate’s heart sank in his chest. He resented the fact that their romantic relationship was firmly in the past. A harsh reality that made his chest ache. Kendra seemed content with it. Able to turn her feelings on and off at will.

  The hunger that consumed him wasn’t reflected in Kendra’s eyes. There was desire, but not the abject need that arose whenever he thought of her. Certainly not with the ferocity with which he felt it. If she’d felt that strongly about him, she would’ve jumped at his proposal to try again.

  Despite the bulletproof force field she projected, Nate was sure her true feelings were buried below the surface, where she could keep them safe.

  Even if she refused to acknowledge her feelings, Nate knew Kendra still loved him. It was evidenced by a thousand little things. The affectionate tone of her voice, the dreamy gaze when their eyes met and the soothing touch of her hand. It was couched in all the words she couldn’t say.

  This time, though, he needed to be sure before he poured out his heart to her.

  He loved Kendra, but he wouldn’t make a fool of himself again. He couldn’t endure the pain and humiliation of another rejection. The feeling of his heart being pierced by jagged, broken glass.

  This time, he needed to hear her say the words first. That she loved him and needed him in her life. That she wanted to be with him.

  “You’re not just an ex.” He loosened bits of browned sausage and garlic stuck to the bottom of the pan. “We have a son together, and we were best friends for most of our lives.”

  A sad smile barely lifted the corner of her mouth as she scraped tomato paste from a can with a small rubber spatula. “That’s why we’re such good co-parents. Maybe we aren’t exactly friends now, but we have that foundation to rely on.”

  Now it was his turn to snort.

  “What did I say wrong?” She set down the empty can, then started to empty the next into the skillet.

  “Co-parents. That term is a joke. It implies both parties are equal parents, but that’s not really possible, is it? One person is always left on the outside, looking in. Wishing they were there in those photos. In the moments that matter. The ones you’ll never get back.”

  Kendra looked thoughtful as she opened one can of tomato sauce, then the other. She poured both into the pan, then carried all of the empty cans over to the sink and rinsed them before tossing them into the recycle bin.

  “This isn’t how I envisioned my life, either, but it’s the best option we have.” Her tone was faint, apologetic. She wiped her hands on a towel. “Things could be a lot worse. Every day, I’m thankful Kai has you in his life.”

  “And every night I go to bed regretting that I can’t be in his life every day, the way my dad has always been in mine.” Hurt and anger rose in his chest. When he met her gaze, her eyes were filled with tears. “Kendra, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “I can’t do this and still do my job, Nate.” She cut him off, shaking her head. “Right now, doing my job is more important.” She turned to leave.

  When would he learn to kee
p his big mouth shut?

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.” Nate sighed, catching her elbow. “Would I be making you a home-cooked meal right now if I intended to say something stupid and ruin our night?”

  “What you said wasn’t stupid. You’re right. I made a bad decision, but you’re the one who’s had to suffer most. It isn’t fair. So I promise, after this is all over, we’ll work out a more fair arrangement so you get to spend more time with Kai.”

  “You’d do that?” Nate was stunned. Kai meant everything to her. “You’d be willing to sacrifice some of your time with him?”

  She nodded, her lips pursed and her eyes glossy.

  “That means a lot to me.” He cleared his throat. “But being together as a family would mean even more.”

  “As much as we love Kai, we can’t be together just for his sake. Neither of us would be happy. I want more than that for myself and for you.”

  “Shouldn’t I get to decide what’s best for me?”

  “I’m sorry.” Kendra pulled free from him, her cheeks suddenly wet with tears. “Excuse me.”

  She rushed from the room and up the stairs.

  Dammit.

  He’d blown it again.

  Nate finished up the lasagna sauce by adding the supplied herbs and seasonings. Then he let it simmer while he drained the noodles. A half hour had passed and Kendra hadn’t returned.

  His pride hadn’t allowed him to go after her following the proposal debacle seven years ago. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. If she wasn’t back by the time the sauce finished simmering, he’d go and find her.

  * * *

  Kendra cupped her hands under the cold running water in Nate’s guest bathroom and splashed it on her face. Her eyes were red, her cheeks were stained with tears and her mascara was a runny mess. Better to strip it all off than to attempt to fix it.

  She removed her makeup, cleansed her skin, then patted her face dry with a towel.

  Standing there, her face stripped of all makeup, she felt nearly as vulnerable as she had when Nate told her what he thought of her co-parenting.